“Whether you think you can, or you think you can’t – you’re right.” – Henry Ford
In life, relationships that create negative emotions can feel overwhelming, especially when they arise from repeated negative experiences like attracting toxic relationships, getting ghosted, or simply feeling like things never go your way. However, the key to breaking these patterns lies in understanding that negative emotions are not only powerful but packed with data that can help you pivot toward the life you truly desire. Here’s how:
Relationships carry data:
Every toxic relationship or negative experience is a reflection of subconscious programming. Your subconscious mind stores and repeats patterns based on past relationships, like a program running on autopilot. This is why you might find yourself attracting the same type of partner or experiencing the same issues repeatedly. The subconscious mind is like a computer cache, holding onto old information, making it easier to repeat familiar patterns, even if they no longer serve you.
When you keep attracting toxic relationships, it’s because your subconscious is replaying those old programs. The key here is to recognize that these patterns are not actively chosen; they are stored in your mind from past experiences, looping in the background. Until you bring awareness to them, these subconscious programs will continue to shape your relationships without your conscious input.
However, once you understand this, you can begin to make conscious choices. Consciousness is an active process of creating and deleting possibilities in your life. When you consciously choose your relationships, you can break the cycle of repeating toxic patterns and actively decide what kind of partner or experience you want to attract. It’s about shifting from being led by subconscious programming to actively steering the course of your relationships. By doing this, you free yourself from old, toxic molds and start creating healthier, more fulfilling relationships based on conscious, intentional decisions.
Your inner story shapes your external reality:
The narrative you tell yourself about relationships plays a powerful role in shaping your experiences. Often, these stories are deeply rooted in your subconscious mind and influence the type of people and situations you attract. For example, common inner stories many women tell themselves include, “I knew this was going to happen,” or “I always attract emotionally unavailable men,” or even “All men are liars” or “I’m just not meant for a healthy relationship.” These narratives may feel true because they are based on past experiences, but the key to understanding is that they are not absolute truths; they are simply reflections of what your subconscious has accepted as a pattern.
When you repeat these inner stories, whether consciously or unconsciously, you are reinforcing them and continuing to attract the same types of toxic relationships. The subconscious mind clings to these stories because it views them as familiar, even if they lead to negative outcomes. In other words, if you constantly tell yourself, “I always attract cheaters” or “This will never work out,” you are setting up a self-fulfilling prophecy where your subconscious seeks out scenarios that fit that mold.
On the other hand, when you begin to shift these stories into positive, conscious choices, you open yourself to new possibilities. By consciously choosing a different inner narrative—such as “I deserve a loving, healthy relationship” or “There are good men who will treat me well”—you start to change the types of relationships you attract. Shifting your inner story from negative to positive isn’t about ignoring past experiences; it’s about taking control of the narrative, understanding that you can break free from old patterns and create the reality you desire. The stories you tell yourself about relationships become your reality, so it’s essential to rewrite them to align with the relationships you truly want.
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“What you think, you become. What you feel, you attract. What you imagine, you create.” – Buddha
Consciousness vs. subconscious programming:
In relationships, conscious choices allow you to actively create or delete possibilities, while subconscious programming keeps you stuck in old, familiar patterns. If your past relationships have been toxic, it’s because the subconscious is repeating old programs. Awareness of this can help you create healthier relationships moving forward.
The SCP Method:
When a negative relationship situation occurs—such as getting ghosted or experiencing toxic behavior—use the SCP (Script, Pivot, and Choose) method.
Script: Write down exactly how you’re feeling in that moment. Brain dump all the negative thoughts and emotions you’re experiencing.
Example of a negative narrative: Now that I see you clearly, I am thankful that you removed yourself from my life. The last thing I need is another deceptive, secretive man. I will say, I get love-bombed pretty much every time I walk out the door. The same script you used: "From the minute I saw you, we have something special if we want it to be, I miss you, I want you here with me, I want my woman to be safe, travel with me...Blah, blah, blah. You take the cake for love-bombing and lies. When I challenged you, instead of honesty, you yelled and defended yourself. I thought, "Why not believe him this time and see where it goes?" Congratulations on your well-polished skills. Wishing you the best and whoever you suck into your toxic web. Thank you for leaving!
Pivot: After scripting, reframe the narrative. Take the negative story and pivot it into a possibility. For example, change “Now that I see you clearly, I’m thankful you removed yourself from my life because I don’t need another deceptive man” into “Now that I see you clearly, I’m thankful you removed yourself, giving us time to build a love story on a solid foundation.”
Example of a positive narrative: Now that I see you clearly, I am thankful that you stepped away, allowing time to pass so we can build our love story on a solid foundation. The last thing I needed was another deceptive, secretive man. Thank you for not being that. I will say, I get love-bombed pretty much every time I walk out the door. Same script you used: “From the minute I saw you, we have something special if we want it to be, I miss you, I want you here with me, I want my woman to be safe, travel with me…Blah, blah, blah… but you actually followed through. You allowed me to trust that there are good men in the world whose words hold weight. You take the cake for love-bombing, but when I challenged you based on my past, you stood your ground and defended yourself. I thought, “Why not believe him this time and see where it goes?” Congratulations on your ability to break through my defenses—I’m a tough cookie to crack. Thank you for leaving that past behind and walking in faith into your new life with me.
The power of tweaking, not rewriting the narrative: When it comes to transforming toxic relationships, I believe it’s crucial to work with the original narrative rather than writing an entirely new one. The reason is that the original story—such as “Now that I see you clearly, I’m thankful you removed yourself from my life”—carries a strong emotional charge. That charge represents the energy you’ve been holding onto, and it’s tied to the pain or frustration of the experience.
If you were to completely rewrite the narrative using new words and a different tone, you might disconnect from that emotional charge, losing the opportunity to transform it. By staying with the same framework of the negative script but tweaking it—perhaps adding or deleting a few key words—you’re still holding onto that emotional energy, but now you’re consciously reshaping it into something positive.
For example, when I tweak the script to say, “Now that I see you clearly, I’m thankful you removed yourself from my life, allowing us time to build our love story on a solid foundation,” I’m taking that same emotional charge and pivoting it into a possibility for growth and transformation. The energy behind the original script remains, but now it’s channeled into something new, something I choose consciously.
This method is powerful because it doesn’t ignore or bury the negative emotions. Instead, it acknowledges them, then transforms them into something that aligns with your desired reality. Completely changing the narrative could disconnect you from the emotional charge that makes the transformation meaningful. It’s not just about writing a different story—it’s about taking the existing energy and steering it in a new direction, keeping the emotional
Choose: Consciously choose the new, positive narrative and allow yourself to feel the emotional shift from contraction (in the negative story) to expansion (in the positive story).
Feel the difference:
Once you’ve scripted the negative narrative about your relationship and then pivoted it into a positive one, it’s crucial to read both versions out loud and observe how they make you feel. When you read the negative version, notice how your body tightens and closes off. This reaction is a clear sign that you’re being led by your subconscious mind. It’s not an active choice but rather a program that’s running in the background, keeping you stuck in the same patterns. This feeling of tightness can be compared to being held hostage—your body is signaling that you’re trapped in a loop, repeating the same toxic relationship patterns over and over again. It doesn’t feel good because you’re not in control; you’re being dragged along, almost like you’re in handcuffs, bound by old programming.
Now, when you read the pivoted version—the new, positive narrative—you’ll feel a shift. The tension in your body releases, and there’s a sense of openness. This is what it feels like when you are consciously choosing your relationships and your reality. Consciousness is about making active decisions, steering the ship of your life rather than being dragged by the currents of old patterns. When you are consciously creating, you are deleting the old possibilities that no longer serve you and choosing new, healthier relationship experiences. This process feels liberating because you’re the one in control, guiding your path, not being dragged along by your past.
The openness in your body is the signal that you’re now making conscious choices. It’s the difference between feeling stuck and bound by subconscious programming versus feeling empowered and free to create the relationship experiences you truly desire. The more you practice this, the easier it becomes to recognize when you’re being led by your subconscious versus when you are actively creating your relationships and your life.
“You are the master of your destiny. You can influence, direct, and control your own environment. You can make your life what you want it to be.” – Napoleon Hill
Digestable Mindset Tips: Conclusion!
If you take anything from this, remember that your negative emotional charge is packed with data. Use it to gain clarity on what you don’t want, and pivot toward what you do want. Whether you are scripting out your frustrations or flipping your internal narrative, this method will help you consciously create the reality you desire.
Script it. Pivot it. Move toward the life you want.
Need help flipping your script? Send it to me, and I’ll help you reframe your narrative. Or join the Soul Sync Sanctuary, where we sculpt your mind to shape your reality. All the information is in the description below!
By taking these steps, you’ll stop allowing your subconscious programming to run your life and start consciously choosing the reality you truly desire.
You’ve got this!
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